Karamatsu's Secret
by UtanKomi
Summary: Save me. (Ichikara)
1. Chapter 1

"I'm not blind, Shittymatsu," Ichimatsu had forcefully grabbed Karamatsu's right hand before inspecting it. His knuckles had small cuts and were red from irritation, and the skin around his fingertips were peeling off, he noticed this when he and his brothers were playing cards last night. Karamatsu pulled away.

"I got into a fight Ichi," he gave him a painfully wide smile, "I can't stand it when women are being harassed on the streets." He stuck his hand into his front pocket.

Ichimatsu stared him down, then dropped it. "Don't come crying to us when you wind up dead in an alleyway," Karamatsu laughed and placed a hand on Ichimatsu's head, expectedly having it shoved off, and joined his other brothers in the living room.

* * *

Ichimatsu concluded on to start keeping a closer eye on Karamatsu. Was it from worry? He wasn't sure, but he knows damn well that those marks weren't from any fight.

First off, Karamatsu had been home for the past two weeks, and since Ichimatsu doesn't bother to go anywhere, he hasn't seen him leave the house once. It didn't make sense how they weren't there at first but somehow managed to appear now. Cuts like that don't just appear overnight.

Ichimatsu felt a thick lump in his throat. _Of course they can appear overnight._ He itched at his wrists.

He watched as Karamatsu downed three glasses of water and a bag of shrimp chips, carefully not getting seasoning on the wounds. _Why don't you just bandage them up, idiot,_ Ichimatsu criticised. The more he ate, however, the more his expression pained each time. A few minutes later Karamatsu got up and left, probably to use the washroom after drinking so much.

Making sure that he was gone, Choromatsu spoke up. "So, are we just going to pretend like nothing didn't happen?"

The other three made the same concerned expression. Ichimatsu's ears perked up, wondering if they had noticed the marks as well.

"Literally _nothing_ happened," Todomatsu spoke for everyone, "it's been an hour and he hadn't said anything painful, or anything at all for that matter."

Ichimatsu was so engulfed in his own thoughts that he barely noticed. Now that he mentioned it, Karamatsu didn't even look at himself in the mirror once, or even said "bruzza's" upon entering the room.

"I mean it is kinda nice having a break from it all. The more I cringe the more wrinkles I get anyway," Osomatsu joked, softening the atmosphere. Choromatsu scolded him as the rest of the group started to join in with Osomatsu.

Small changes like that switched whatever Ichimatsu was feeling into curiosity. What shifted Karamatsu's painful personality into something so...well...less painful? Was it because he's been home for too long? Ichimatsu would only know.

Before he got up to see if he can meet Karamatsu in the hallway, the older brother himself had re-entered with finger guns and his infamous shades. He was back to normal.

"I have returned my dear bruzza's! No need to worry my sweet da-" before he could finish loud groans of "nevermind" and "he's fine" echoed out.

* * *

 _ooohoOOhhoOOOOOO MY GGODDDDDD_


	2. Chapter 2

It started with the mood swings.

Karamatsu had always wore his heart on his sleeves. Always around to be at his brothers beck and call, helping random women on the street from dickheads, and not letting his families joking get to him because he knew that they all actually cared for him. Not to mention the horrific confidence in himself which drove him into even getting underwear with his face plastered right on the crotch area.

It was what Ichimatsu envied most about Karamatsu, he was everything he wanted to be and more. Sure, he's probably the worst one out of his brothers that torments him, but whenever the blue matsu's ego got the better of himself he didn't know how to properly react other than to put a stop to it before Ichimatsu could break into pieces. He hated comparing himself to him.

But now here is Karamatsu, holding Osomatsu by his collar in front of an entire bar. The cool, collected Karamatsu was raged, shaking the eldest in his hands, blaming him for something that no one could understand as he screamed at him in English, knowing the others wouldn't be able to decipher what he was saying. They were all taken aback by the sudden lunge that they didn't have enough time to stop Karamatsu from bashing his fist into his brother's jaw.

* * *

Everything was fine up until they had decided on visiting Chibita, agreeing on having oden for dinner since they hadn't done so in a while, and then drying their wallets out for alcohol at the bar later on. Karamatsu seemed normal up until his brothers told him to eat before they drank, but he reassured them that he wasn't hungry and that he didn't feel like drinking anyway. Osomatsu ordered him a bowl anyway despite his protest.

It was strange. Karamatsu usually never passed up a chance to eat oden. Ichimatsu was the only one too notice the white sheet that covered Karamatsu's face as the plate was put in front of him.

"Are you on a diet or something?" Ichimatsu pushed, seeing as how his older brother was staring at his food with a worried look.

When he heard his voice his composure bounced back. He turned to Ichimatsu with a smirk and held up his dark shades.

"Ah yes my dear, Ichimatsu. I no longer crave the sweetness of Chibita's delicious cuisine. My body's a temple, and I must look out for myself if I want to live up to my beautiful Karamatsu Girl's expectations." Ichimatsu threw up in his mouth a little.

"You might wanna be careful on those shrimp chips as well then, they aren't any better." Ichimatsu informed, ignoring Chibita's defense on how oden can take out shrimp chips any day.

There was the switch again. Karamatsu now looked off in shame, deep in a thought. "No need to worry about those," he said quietly. He hesitated with taking the first bite, not wanting to waste Chibita's cooking.

* * *

Ichimatsu gazed in shock at the stranger standing before him assaulting the oldest. He knew he wasn't drunk, the oden surely absorbed everything. _This isn't like you, Shittymatsu._

Osomatsu hadn't said anything to him either, surprisingly, and there weren't any insults towards him at all during this time. He had been sitting with his head down and his eyes focused on his drink, with every minute passing he had seemed to be getting more annoyed.

And then bam, Osomatsu tried to find his footing before dropping to his knees, blood mixed with alcohol covering his shirt. It was completely out of nowhere and unexpected.

Karamatsu's eyes were dark and sharp, his pupils barely noticeable. His mouth was wide open with heavy pants, blood trickling down his lip from biting on it for the past hour. It sent shivers down Ichimatsu's spine. Karamatsu grabbed his leather jacket and left before the others could do anything.

Never has he seen his older brother lash out like this, and something in Ichimatsu's stomach began to eat itself. He placed his palms against his eyes to calm himself down.

He was terrified.


	3. Chapter 3

He started buying more clothes than usual.

"You went shopping again? You're so shitty with your money," Ichimatsu peered around the corner as Karamatsu entered the house with a clothes bag in his hand, still not bothering to cover the "fight" marks that were noticeably getting worse each day.

"A-Ah! Well you see, fashion is constantly changing every day, so I want to be on top of it as much as possible! I must shine brighter than any sta-"

"Since when did you start buying _smalls_? Aren't you a large?" Ichimatsu pulled out a horrific blue diamond studded tank top while he was talking. He was tempted to tear it into shreds right then and there.

Karamatsu ripped it out of his hands and stuffed it back into the bag before Ichimatsu had a chance to protest. "Since when did _you_ start to care so much about what I buy?" His voice had become slightly dangerous.

It's been a few days since the incident at the bar and Ichimatsu had been keeping track at his random outbursts since then. "I don't know why you're getting so worked up over this. I was just asking." This makes it number fifty-nine.

"Well maybe if you'd..." Karamatsu began, but was quick to shut it.

Ichimatsu felt a little agitated himself. Not knowing what's been going on in Karamatu's mind frustrated him more than it should. Before he'd been an open book, but now Ichimatsu can't read him at all.

Not knowing what was wrong with Karamatsu made Ichimatsu want to know even _more_.

He knew every secret in the family. Surprisingly, everyone went to him when they needed to talk to somebody. As sad as it was, they only confided in him because he had no one else to gossip or spread rumours too. Of course he could always tell his brothers some of the dirty things he's been told to from one another, but even he knows when some things are better kept down under.

"Look, you don't have to answer. Let's just drop it. I don't feel like fighting with you today, it's too hot," Ichimatsu reassured in defeat.

They held each other's gaze for a few moments. Karamatsu let out a sigh and finally took off his jacket to hang it up. Even if it was hotter than the devils vagina outside Karamatsu wouldn't be caught dead without his black leather jacket. Luckily he always wore a tanktop underneath, but it was the wrong day to wear one. Ichimatsu took a sharp breath.

His arms were almost stick thin.

"Karamatsu…" Ichimatsu gasped. Karamatsu pulled out a blue Matsu hoodie from the bag, a smaller sized one, and quickly threw it over.

"We better hurry and get the table ready for dinner." Karamatsu hoisted the shopping bag over his shoulder and lead the way.

* * *

The rest of their crew however were still out, leaving the table set up to the two of them. Ichimatsu was usually the one to do it alone, but was grateful for Karamatsu's help since he was home more regularly.

Ichimatsu had caught himself constantly checking out his brothers arms as he prepared, wondering if he'd even be able to wrap his hold hand around them if he tried. But ironically, Karamatsu was always the "fitness expert", per say, of the bunch. He would always wear his tank top _because_ he had the muscles to do so. Why did this NEET, who thrived on physical beauty, start to look so physically unhealthy?

Ichimatsu broke the silence. "Karamatsu, are you sick?"

The sound of glass shattering against the matts responded. The older one had been bringing in the cups when he asked. Karamatsu held his breath.

Not receiving a quick answer, Ichimatsu asked again with a more concerned tone. "Are you feeling alright?"

Karamatsu scoffed, flipping his hair and winking. "I'm feeling more than alright, I'm feeling absolutely fantastic."

Ichimatsu, obviously not buying into his bullshit, wanted to press more into it when he phone began ringing. Kissing his teeth he got up, and swore he heard Karamatsu let out a relieved sigh when he left the room.

"Hello?" Ichimatsu answered.

"Heeyyyyy can I get an order of five pepperoni- HEY STOP I WAS TALKING-"

Ichimatsu moved the receiver away from his ear after almost going deaf from a clearly drunk Osomatsu. Chibita spoke next.

"OI, IDIOT. You stupid siblings need to learn how to handle your alcohol better, bastards." Drunk babbling and laughter could be heard in the background.

"Listen," Chibita continued, "your brothers went overboard with the drinking again, so I'm not entirely confident in letting them go home just yet." He sighed in disgust of what he was about to say next. "I don't live too far from here, it's much closer than yours so I'm planning to just let these dumbasses stay the night, it'll be safer anyway." Loud chants of "party at Chibita's" began to drown him out.

This happened once before with Ichimatsu. He drank his sorrows away one night by himself with Chibita, who then later gained Ichimatu's trust greatly which was very rare, and spent the night over at his place pouring out his soul in front of him. Needless to say it was heavily embarrassing, but he really handed it to Chibita for being able to put up with his shit. He owed him big time, and even bigger after tonight.

"Thanks, I'll come get them in the morning." He hadn't gotten the chance to say bye yet when he was cut off from a loud scream from Todomatsu yelling out "goodnight" to Ichimatsu. He gave a low chuckle and hung up.

Karamatsu had been setting out the rest of the plates for all six of them when Ichimatsu came back.

"We won't be needing the extra plates, they're too drunk to function right now so they'll be spending the night over at Chibita's." Ichimatsu sat down in his usual spot and sighed.

He didn't hear a response from the older one. Glancing over he noticed Karamatsu was staring at a plate that was now shaking in his hands.

"Okay…"

For a split second it was as if Karamatsu sounded desperate in the way he said that. Ichimatsu tossed it aside for now, he was hungry and didn't feel like digging into his brother's private life any further for today.

* * *

The two of them finished eating what turned out to be a feast since they didn't have the others with them to help. Ichimatsu laid back against the matt and patted his stomach. He was satisfied and contempt, while Karamatsu on the other hand...

"Mind if I turn on the radio?" He asked suddenly. Ichimatsu wasn't the type to listen to music, but didn't protest against. But not even a minute into the song Karamatsu had to announce that he was going to the washroom for a bit.

This had become the norm. The brothers would eat, and Karamatsu would always use the washroom right after. Ichimatsu took it as it was his body's time clock that just worked that way, there was nothing really out of the ordinary with that.

Ten minutes had passed now however, and Ichimatsu didn't like leaving the radio on if he wasn't going to listen to. It was a waste of energy and Karamatsu could just turn it on when he came back.

Ichimatsu glanced over at the clock once more, wondering why he always took so long, and then shut off the music.

At that same moment he heard a gag echo from the hallway.


	4. Chapter 4

_Even the strongest can fall._

* * *

Ichimatsu stood just outside the bathroom, his nose almost touching the door. With every gut clenching hurl that emitted from the room in front of him, a cold shudder seeped through his body. The sudden weight of realization and the overwhelming guilt of not noticing the signs sooner made him want to drop to his knees.

 _What do I do?_ He debated back and forth from knocking or waiting for Karamatsu to finish. He didn't know how to react. He couldn't even breath. The longer he waited however, the more painful it was to bear. Horrific versus's of retching and chucking gradually got worse and worse, and the sounds of crying and choking started to follow soon after each purge.

"Shittymatsu…?" Ichimatsu breathed out, finally exhaling.

He lost count at how many times he brought his hand up to the doorknob and then shamefully tugged it back down.

 _Oh my god what_ do _I do?_ Ichimatsu wasn't the type to cry easily, but once panic begins to sink its teeth into him it was hard to hold anything back. He felt tears sting the corners of his eyes.

"Shittymatsu…" he tried to call out. Karamatsu didn't stop.

"Shitt- Karamatsu," a little louder and more firm this time, and then he heard something drop from inside. Karamatsu went dead silent.

Ichimatsu could only imagine the dread on his older brothers face knowing that he had just been caught. Neither of them knew what to say, but at least Karamatsu had stopped throwing up.

"I…..Ichimatsu?" Karamatsu choked out. He didn't answer. He could hear brothers breathing beginning to quicken, slowly turning into hyperventilation.

Ichimatsu was moving his mouth but nothing was coming out. His mouth was dry and it hurt to swallow.

"Could you...come out please?" He spoke low and carefully.

"Uhm….I…" Karamatsu couldn't even muster up the words. Harsh breathing turned into loud cries.

"Karamatsu, it's okay. It's okay." He gave the doorknob a quick twist, and as expected it was locked.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Karamatsu sobbed out. His words becoming indistinguishable the more he tried to speak over his wails.

Ichimatsu didn't know what to do, he was never the person on the other end of this. He'd always been the dependent one, so that when the time came for him to be that shoulder to cry on, he was completely useless.

He really couldn't do anything. He couldn't hug or rub Karamatsu's back. The only thing he could rely on was his words, which is what he was most horrible at.

He could call out to their parents, but the last thing Karamatsu needed was for more people to find out. It would be too overwhelming for him for it all to happen at once, and the only help they'd be would be taking him straight to the hospital. He needed to act fast.

Then Ichimatsu thought back on Chibita. He cleared his throat, pushing away his embarrassment.

" _Let's go in the garden, you'll find something waiting. Right there where you left it lying upside down._ "

Chibita wasn't too good with words either, so instead whenever Ichimatsu would come to him for help, he'd have all his favourite things around him ready at his disposal. It helped Ichimatsu get through his breakdowns a little more easily.

" _When you finally find it, you'll see how it's faded. The underside is lighter when you turn it around._ "

Karamatsu would always be singing this song whenever he was on the roof, so maybe it was his favourite. Ichimatsu had heard it enough times to fully memorize its lyrics and tune.

" _Everything stays, right where you left it. Everything stays, but it still changes._ "

He was still crying, but Ichimatsu knew he was listening.

" _Ever so slightly, daily and nightly. In little ways, everything stays._ "

Wailing turned into quiet sobs, and Karamatsu was no longer hyperventilating. Ichimatsu let out a stifled sigh of relief.

Although he could still hear whimpers and sniffling, Ichimatsu felt a little better.

Karamatsu unlocked the bathroom door.

* * *

 **I'm sorry these chapters are so short, I get bored easily when writing, and I really don't want to get bored when writing this.**


End file.
